I am not really so on about making new year resolutions...I make resolutions to myself randomly all over a year anyway. But hopefully, by the end of this year, I am at least partially fluent in simple conversation Japanese.
The rubbish bin in my room is filled totally with papers and music score sheets, full of writing and cancels over and over. My inspirations are bleeding and are all gone. I cannot even string 2 song phrases together anymore. I don't know what has happened. I wish I could flow from song to song like I could before. Now after playing the piano for just an hour, I close it.
Today, I walked past a busker, you know, one of the people who sit or stand at the side of the road, playing a musical instrument, with a cup or box in front of them, hoping to get a little money. This person was playing a small electric keyboard, and I think he was blind, or at least vision impaired, his eyes were white. But what made mi think was the sign beside him...it said "I'm sorry, I cannot see you, but thank you for appreciating my kind of music".
I've actually thought about this a few times before but, reading that sign just made mi think a little more. Every time I walk past a busker, or stop to drop a few coins into their little cup or box, I always feel a sense of sorrow for them. Of course other people will say, "that is what they want you to feel, then you will give them money". But it is not money that I am thinking of. I don't really feel sorry for buskers or people who ask for alms because they are poor or hungry or thirsty. Ok well maybe I do, but that's not the main reason.
The thing that makes mi feel sorry for them is that they are lonely. Every day, maybe hundreds of people walk past them, but almost all people do not even see them. They sit in a same place all day, playing a guitar or harmonica, trying to sing, and for the whole day they are among so many people, but still they are alone. I sometimes wonder how terrible it must feel for them, to look up from their instruments, and see the people happily walking past them and chatting in groups and having fun together, but for their life, they must continue playing their instruments, all alone. Some of them may not have families, they will go home to an empty house every day, and try to live on a few dollars every day.
Even if some person is poor, but still they have a family and many friends that they can depend on, share life's hardships with, then they may still be happy, because I think, it is the people in our lives who make a life truly worthwhile. But these people are alone, and they will probably live the rest of their lives in a solitary way, forgotten by society. A lonely person is like a small weed in a flower garden, too small to be noticed by the gardener. Every day it will see the flowers around it blossom and bloom beautifully, but it alone is forgotten and unseen, and after awhile it will die without anyone even noticing. And every time I walk past a busker or alms person, I cannot help feeling, that they are terribly lonely. I wish that I could do something for them. I cannot give them my company, so I give them a few of my coin, not for money, but hopefully to let them feel that at least there is still someone out there for them.
Maybe after reading this, no one will believe I am an economics student. I guess I am thinking a little much again, but it's just a feeling I have.
